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| disenchantment 2 |
so...11:11 day, Remembrance Day here in the great white north. i have somehow managed to quiet my mind long enough to sit in silence and remember and introspect (is that a verb?). not only that, but i've had CBC radio 1 on all day...war story narratives and such (canadian hipsters love this station).
speaking of remembering, i finally cracked the code to get back into blogger (no easy task considering how long ago i signed up and how many incarnations blogger has undergone) and realize i have started and abandoned 4 blogs over the last 6 years. all of them now merely serve as extended journals of times that are starting to feel very alien, so very long ago. it's very poignant to read them and i have to admit i had to stop/avoid some altogether. amazing how much and how quickly life changes, even though i often feel like everything in my life has always moved at a snail's pace. i debated whether or not to carry on with my last blog but so much has changed since then, it doesn't even make sense any more...makes me feel like a stranger to myself...dramatic huh? that's not to say i don't see the value in those posts, that life...i do...and i feel bad abandoning it all. but i feel like it's time to make a fresh start. so...what's new?
- moved, yet again. back to the godforsaken frozen tundra of alberta (long, tawdry, tiring story)
- graduated my masters in counselling program (yay me!)
- started several new work ventures; youth centre, private practice and counselling agency (but am still living like a student somehow)
- started painting again (one of them is right here in this post!)
- started a new life.
this new life
is exciting, but daunting...filled with possibility yet also feeling aimless somehow. listening to
lana del rey today (yeah, i know) and pondering the meaning of art and meaning in life, and the freedom to pursue who you
really are, outside of that cubicle. all that existential crap that i'm always thinking about in some capacity. if i didn't always feel mired in the neverending need to make money (aka 'if i won the lottery' cliche) i would: buy an old building and convert it to an at risk youth drop in centre, counseling office, studio space, and gallery. my last 6 months at the youth centre have taught me that there's a lot
of healing needed out there. and in here. i believe in the capacity of
art to heal and would love the opportunity to use it to enable others to
move forward and envision their new stories. then i'd spend my days painting and showing and having the kind of 'space' (space = potential) where creativity lives and breathes. i'd also spend days wandering around aimlessly photographing and really
SEEING again, having show openings (aka parties) and great, meaningful conversations with like-minded people. i would feel
FREE. what would that be like?
what is this new story and where is it going? that remains to be seen...
do you feel free?
